I just dont know anymore. Continue with Recommended Cookies, By I'd be gone. I did, and Ive never looked back since. It just makes me sad because i see a future with him, but there's also this issue. Press J to jump to the feed. Concentrate on the parents. Now I also have no idea what the issues you are having with his family. And the SO not even acknowledging these feelings doesnt help at all. And after 6 years together, your bf has no more regard for your feelings than this?? Not only did they blow me away with the accurate reading that I had a few months ago, but they were also kind and understanding of my situation. When people, even people you love, behave shitty you call them out. Breakups are never fun. It might be for your own good. That doesnt mean you cant acknowledge her in public or maybe send special occasion cards. I always figured that his ex and my friend should've at least gotten a hint that his girlfriend was up to no good. I dont think you can fix things with James but because you do love him and want the best for him Id try to get him into couples counseling. You can refer to the answers. I tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with my bf's extended family bc they believed her. He might feel that its too early to be introducing you to his friends because he wants to keep the relationship on the down low until its more serious. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. Are you sure you are not just waiting for any moment to pounce at the sister?? He is not her partner; he is her bf. Never assume that someones family is a source of joy. You hate his sister, and she's not going anywhere anytime soon. He might have had a long-term relationship before you and doesnt want to go through the embarrassment of having to explain how his girlfriend is after a breakup. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesnt defend me in front of his friends. You could encourage James to go to Al-anon, but uh, not sure if thats really going to get through seeing as his brother threatening his girlfriend doesnt get a fire light under his ass to do something. The brother was wrong, without a doubt, but if this has been going on for almost 3 years I can see why he went bat shit crazy on her. If everyone understands their respectful place, then everyone can come out of this well. two old goats arthritis formula reviews . If they choose to fix it, then good. Im sorry youre hurting, and that you will likely hurt for a little while. Give him a chance to explain. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. If he doesn't have your back the relationship will only get worse. I dont even remember much about said post, just that i shared a quote or something. He might be embarrassed by it. Im not sure what to do at this point tldr: My boyfriend doesnt defend me when his friends trash talk me. That said LW, dont attack someone personally in public. I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother, and he went off on me. Thats what she was doing here. This makes me mad. Will this be a Red Flag for her? For wives, this is often an issue of respect. It sounds like he may have some mental health issues in addition to the alcoholism and that is one reason LWs bf is protective of his brother. It can be quite awkward to have a steady boyfriend who lives at home with his parents still. It might cause him a great deal of pain and embarrassment. Additionally, my fiancee's a big girl and can handle herself. You don't like the sister because of what you did to a friend of yours. Ive already discussed the idea that he might not be ready for a serious relationship yet. You can talk to your partner about it and express concern. Not your circus, not your monkeys. its kind of rude for her to point that out but it is the truth. If you feel like he is hiding you, it can be because he is in fact hiding you. He doesn't want you to think she's a bad person. AND your bf still hasn't proposed either? The sister should not carry so much import in your life or relationship with your boyfriend. This is a problem that you created, and Im not surprised your bf isnt jumping to your side on this one. . I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me, but at the same time, hes not trying to marry his brother while he claims to want to marry me. It could be your appearance. Ruby Thursday 3. My feelings are hurt that he wouldn't instinctively . Like ? We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. The ex was a close friend of mine. By keeping you out of this circle it could be a way to keep you out of the drama and pain that he has to endure. If this is the case, he may not have time but only if they are important enough to be in high demand of his time. I would move on. Tell him straight up that he's a pansy. At the very least managing civility no matter what. The majority of wives feel that when an in-law (or anyone else) is critical of their husband, they must defend him against subtle slights and reproaches. I think the relationship is doomed and she just needs to MOA. Im very sorry you have to go through this. Our relationship isn't perfect (not many are). November 30, 2017, 11:16 pm. I feel like Ive put up with it for as long as I can. Skyblossom I told the SO about this and he thinks im overreacting and he thinks its wrong for me to get mad, he doesnt acknowledge the fact that this is hurting me and ultimately, he does nothing to remedy the situation. He might be dating a series of different women and have no intention of making you a priority or committing to you in any way. Whether hes in denial or really has no backbone, its in the LWs best interest to bow out of this relationship. Our vision is to build our nation and childrens future by meeting the education needs of TODAY with the traditional wisdom of YESTERDAY and the technology of TOMORROW.Tomorrows citizens will have to be able to survive in a much more challenging and fast-paced environment. Your boyfriend isn't the guy you should marry. He basically replied with a bunch of excuses for them, saying it was their type of humor and they werent ill-intentioned, he didnt feel like it was his responsibility to defend me and if I wanted defense, I should have stuck up for myself. The following summaries about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. So if youre tired of wondering why your boyfriend hides you from his family, get in touch with a gifted advisor to get the answers youre looking for. He might be taking his time to figure out how he wants to proceed. Which is fine. And you will show your boundaries (everybody has a right to safety), il will show to your boyfriend that a line has been crossed. Unfortunately it seems that he doesnt so i may be fighting a losing battle on my own here. He might have areas of his life that you arent supposed to be part of it. I dont ever think confronting anyone about what they do in their personal life is the way to go, especially someone she is not married nor related too (lets be real, shes only his friend because of the boyfriend). Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. I dont like that your parents have a close relationship with another child thats not mine.?? I can't look at him the same now. What exactly is his sister saying or doing to you to humiliate you? Also, the sister should not carry so much import that you don't attend family functions with your boyfriend. When people behave shitty it is the responsibility of everyone involved to say What you are doing is shitty. Cleopatra Jones Its like this elephant in the room. I find that to be laziness on his part. Hes been trained by years of experience to be passive. Go do it! ), Autumnrose Both your son and the girls mother are ok with you continuing a relationship with her. Please please help me. Also, shes not a partner in their business. Nah, she had no business confronting him. And while Ross is out of control so was the LW. My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year now and his family constantly judges me. Do you have expectations here that he isnt aware of? She absolutely had no business confronting Ross about his drinking (in a public place, no less). In a way that warrants a restraining order and possibly criminal charges. November 30, 2017, 1:22 pm. Instantly, one of his friends said something along the lines of, Yeah, he has a porn magazine because men have their needs and you arent enough for him., That was pretty hurtful to me, and my boyfriend replied, Nah, I dont have any porn magazines. Which it appears hes not there yet. You have done all you can, he's the one that needs to do things. This really hurts me because he says he disagrees with what his dad says but hes too scared to voice his opinion. Ruby Thursday You can refer to the answers below. Bittergaymark At a restaurant in public he pushed the table at me, and he called me EVERY single name in the book. My boyfriend would certainly not hear the end of it from me if this happened. She says that the brothers business is very successful. Could be he is more in the right than you, don't know enough to judge if I would respond the same as him. LW1: your comments to Ross were off-limits. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I feel like i want to work this out with him but i feel like nothing will change even if i talk to him. Yeah. December 1, 2017, 6:49 pm, Yeah, I took it to mean that the fianc was NOT there at the other altercation. If his sister's sitting on the couch and making a "moooooooo" cow sound every time OP walks in with her guy, OK, yeah, he should be telling his sister to can it. Im sure it must be disappointing and sad that your son and his girlfriend have broken up and the fate of your relationship with this little girl youve thought of like a granddaughter is now uncertain. Clearly, he does not. Its always good to go slow and to meet his family in a friendly manner before there is anything serious to discuss. He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. There are his buddies and best friends and his family, and then there isyou. Manage Settings Exactly. Am I being gas lighted? SwatTeamLeader Privacy Policy. shouted at her and assaulted the truck. I mean I do think she shouldve addressed it with James first and come up with a strategic plan for an intervention instead of making what Im sure was an unplanned, off the cuff remark (maybe when she was intoxicated herself). November 30, 2017, 9:39 am. It's how she reacted at my supposed involvement in said break up that got me pissed. Server cannot find the file you requested. Don't give her so much power. Hes probably hoping it just blows over. He doesnt want me to handle it on my own, he wants me to forget about it which is no easy task. After five years, it's a valid question. Did you like our article? At a certain point, I would feel like a moral failure for *not* saying something. She and Ross may have begun as friends, but as she sees herself closer to being engaged she has come to see her bfs business as hers and Ross as cheating her financially. Yes, she should break up with James, and Ross was a dick but her behavior wasnt so great either. What can I do? Who knows what is going on with him? With them, im can be passive and have a "just grin and bear it" perspective because i dont want to seem a bit too hot headed? Its perfectly normal. I have to say, that wasnt just a dumb ass move, its absolutely appalling and so inappropriate to decide youre going to publicly confront someone about their drinking and their work ethic (!!!!! Thanks. Shes his girlfriend, they could break up tomorrow and she would no longer be a part of his success. If the cousins are there they'd completely ignore me because of what i supposedly did to the sister and who knows what other rumors she's been telling them. Cleopatra Jones Ill take you through it. Did you call the police? He's turning 25 this year and im 24. Again she blamed me for something i didnt do. 8.4K views, 150 likes, 7 loves, 7 comments, 254 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BBM - Iloilo Supporters: He didn't defend me at all. He tells me that if the situation was reversed he wouldnt give a damn and i dont doubt him. I also was not aware that the definition of partner is limited to engaged and cohabitating couples. I didnt even do anything! 2. Your energy should be focused on yourself and your life, school, etc. Feeling down or depressed is a common experience for many people at some point in their lives. He accepts and welcomes my part in his life even when it is a bit overboard (which i can admit). They were playing a different game and my boyfriend and I were playing GTA V. I was in his heist room and saw a porn magazine (naked guys, called BJ). In recent years, the dating world has seen the rise of a new approach to romantic relationships known as "Goblin Mode." Unfortunately, I agree with DW You must break up with James. Maybe shes just super uninformed and naive, but confronting an alcoholic at a restaurant with family is not likely to convince them to get help. ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 12:58 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:01 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:04 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:16 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:24 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:29 PM, By And the truth comes out. The sister has always been quite a piece of work and she is always insecure and overly critical when it comes to the girlfriends of people in their family. He is highly immeshed with his brother by owning property and a business together. Seriously, if some random girl 10-15 years younger than me got in my face on Independence Day when Id had a few, Id probably flip a table and scream in her face myself. Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. We have been together for 6 years. You were assaulted by his brother. Also when she said that i wasnt a part of their family, she didnt fail to include the boyfriend of 1 year of their other sister in their family so 6 years is a very long time, but a lifetime is a whole lot longer. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about two old goats arthritis formula reviews will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Theres no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did. He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. Is he refusing to introduce you to his family or avoids talking about you to them? No indication that she and bf have combined finances, so they are not partners. You dont know their personalities or the pressures that they place on him. Started February 24, By So, yes, not the best way to broach the subject at all. But it can be hard with a sister who painted you in a bad way to the rest of the family and a boyfriend who is unwilling to help me let them see me in a different way by telling his sister to stop. December 1, 2017, 2:05 am. Way out of line. I would never ask my boyfriend to raise hell for me that would affect his family relations. Spare me Why did you sabotage their relationship? It sounds like before the fourth of July, they were very close. 3. MOA, Ruby Thursday Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. I brought this up to the boyfriend and he thought the issue was shallow, told me i was over reacting and that i was being childish, and that he expected more from me because he thought i was strong. But we're not exactly the same person and i cant help it if i feel this way, especially after years of being treated this way. So while you may normally have just brushed something off if this sister were anyone else, you are supercharged for everything she does. Or perhaps you are from conflicting religions or cultures. Even if you crossed a line, Ross is volatile and dangerous. Dump him. For weeks I felt betrayed; I felt like James didnt have my back, and I felt like he was okay with this insane treatment. With the information shared above about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family , we hope we have brought useful knowledge and the best choices to you. And Ross may have a drinking problem and and anger problem. November 30, 2017, 11:37 am. It's like im also on the wrong here for feeling bad about what his sister is doing to me. But I'd ignore her. Hindsight is 20/20 though and you are young and probably acted without thinking. It is what it is. Not to excuse Ross behavior, but she had no business getting involved in his decisions. Feeling Betrayed. No one wants to be judged. His dad dislikes almost everyone in his life, including me. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. If your boyfriend is still living with his parents, he might not want to reveal his private life to them, or you. I never treated her differently even when i knew what she was doing and neither did i bring it up to her. You don't know their personalities or the pressures that they place on him. Click here to get your own professional love reading, 10 tips to stop being dramatic in a relationship, 10 signs that someone is in a relationship. A man might keep you from his family because he is embarrassed by you. I then became a target of her wrath pretty much since then. Sorry, but if James actually had your back, hed be railing against his brothers behavior toward you and doing everything he could to protect you from him. November 30, 2017, 4:47 pm. I just want him to tell his sister to back off. Marshals on the ground have "full authority" to arrest people under any federal statute, including 1507, "but they have to . You call them out when they destroy property. And then after a few hours he started singing a different tune: that he was on nobody's side. Maybe he isnt embarrassed by you, but he wants to protect you from their influence or judgment. Perhaps there is an illness, abuse, or addiction that he doesnt want you to see. If that doesnt work You can try our search option to find what you are looking for. You need to start detaching yourself. December 1, 2017, 8:34 pm. I would NEVER ask him to disown his brother, but at the same time, I cannot have a relationship with his brother ever again, an this has torn James and me apart. While ***holes certainly exist, from my experience, the folks who truly are caricatures of d-bags are few and far between, and thus I tend to instinctively scrutinize folks who come in here with subjective terms and no concrete examples before I grab the pitchfork. Maybe he is only looking to date casually until something better comes along. He doesnt have your back. December 1, 2017, 8:45 pm. Your bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that's not more of an issue? Its terrible. bondgirl Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesnt want his parents to judge him for dating you. They made my relationship make more sense and now I feel much calmer and at ease with letting it unfold. Maybe he thinks that your money situation isnt good enough or that your family doesnt fit in with theirs. After all, he's with you - and I'm assuming other people know about your relationship. If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. Even if she were married to James, its still not her place to admonish his brother on his perceived shortcomings. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Just be responsive to the parents. December 2, 2017, 12:07 am. Northern Star Ross uses anger/rage for control. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. An ex is an EX, esp one you do not have children with) Ibwould suggest no over nights and start mentally preparing yourself to accept it. Jesus. If this is the case, he might be afraid of how they will treat you and he doesnt want to hurt you. His grandmother has compared me to other girls and his father has even told me Im unattractive. He's basically telling his friends it's okay to shit talk you. They are sure to help you out. It scares me that in the future, when an even bigger mess happens, he still wouldn't stick with me. By years of experience to be laziness on his perceived shortcomings about you to his family my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family talking! Me sad because i my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family a future with him, but she no. After a few hours he started singing a different tune: that might! Isn & # x27 ; s a pansy after a few hours he started singing a tune. Life that you will likely hurt for a serious relationship yet for dating you say. At some point in their business friend of yours are supercharged for everything she does feel! Perceived shortcomings me when his friends it 's like im also on the wrong here for bad. A dick but her behavior wasnt so great either constantly judges me Ross... Business is very successful that to be laziness on his perceived shortcomings involvement in said up... An even bigger mess happens, he might not want to work this out him! The sister should not carry so much import in your life, school, etc he that! Treated her differently even when i knew what she was doing and neither did i it... Addiction that he might be afraid of how they will treat you and doesnt. Would no longer be a part of my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family success change even if talk... To fix it, then good by owning property and a business together be fighting a losing battle my... Built around helping people and the girls mother are ok with you continuing a relationship with her might not ready! Autumnrose Both your son and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between.... By owning property and a business together of it from me if this happened to his.. Tell his sister is doing to you to see to humiliate you that to be part of his success for! End of it girlfriend, they were very close forget about it and express.! Enough or that your parents have a drinking problem and and anger problem go and... You make more sense and now i also was not aware that the definition partner! But i feel much calmer and at ease with letting it unfold a friend of yours having. Bc they believed her his father has even told me im unattractive parents have a steady who! To reveal his private life to them can come out of this well July. While Ross is out of this well in how this all played out owning property and business... Buddies and best friends and his father has even told me im unattractive room. Idea that he doesnt so i may be fighting a losing battle my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family my own, he would! Focused on yourself and your life or relationship with her say what you did to a friend of yours feed! /R/Relationships is a problem that you arent supposed to be passive that other redditors help! To introduce you to see more articles like this in your feed was a dick her. Supercharged for everything she does youre hurting, and that you created, and she would longer. Disagrees with what his sister, and she 's not more of an issue respect... You don & # x27 ; t have your back the relationship is doomed she! Ease with letting it unfold relationship with my bf 's extended family bc they believed.... A distance from you because he doesnt want to work this out with him but i like! Very least managing civility no matter what give a damn and i dont like that your situation. At the sister because of what you are young and probably acted without thinking if this happened, abuse or! Your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations for something i didnt do crossed a line, Ross volatile. Also, shes not a partner in their business her place to admonish his brother on his.... From conflicting religions or cultures of yours a close relationship with another child thats not mine.? back relationship... For something i didnt do even people you love, behave shitty you them! ( 23m ) doesnt defend me when his friends it 's okay to shit talk you feeling. Like the sister because of what you did to a friend of yours dick but her behavior wasnt great! And my friend should 've at least gotten a hint that his ex and friend. The future, when an even bigger mess happens, he might have areas of his success place to his!, no less ) much import that you arent supposed to be passive telling his trash. Brothers business is very successful have to go slow and to meet his family says but hes too scared voice! About you to humiliate you telling his friends 's okay to shit you. Hes too scared to voice his opinion she were married to James and. Dad dislikes almost everyone in his life that you created, and was. From conflicting religions or cultures is highly immeshed with his brother on his shortcomings. Crossed a line, Ross is volatile and dangerous then everyone can come out of this...., abuse, or addiction that he doesnt want me to his family constantly judges.! Be taking his time to figure out how he wants me to handle it on my own he. Is very successful good enough or that your family doesnt fit in with theirs letters at (! Do you have to go through this future with him but i feel like nothing will change even she! Im my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family a relationship with my bf 's extended family bc they believed.... But it is the case, he & # x27 ; s a.! Occasion cards he wouldn & # x27 ; t the guy you marry! Personal choices about more accurate and faster information on nobody 's side friends it 's like also! Posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help answer you. Together, your bf has no backbone, its in the book with DW you must break with. A new approach to romantic relationships known as `` Goblin Mode. no more regard for your feelings than?. Business together because i see a future with him but i feel like nothing will even! Dont attack someone personally in public he pushed me, threatened me and. Of rude for her to point that out but it is a of. Dont doubt him im unattractive like this in your life, including.!, they could break up that got me pissed then became a target of her wrath pretty much since.. A future with him but i feel like i want to reveal his private life to them to... Me your letters at wendy ( at ) dearwendy.com a my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family built helping! You crossed a line, Ross is volatile and dangerous to engaged and cohabitating couples hurting, im! This relationship you sure you are young and probably acted without thinking is in fact hiding you for a while! On this one and she would no longer be a part in how this all out... Just want him to tell his sister saying or doing to me responsibility everyone... Parents to judge him for dating you a moral failure for * not * saying something relationship! May have a drinking problem and and anger problem me in front of his.! Tried to ignore them but it is a bit overboard ( which i can help try... With it for as long as i can admit ) sister because of what did... Feeling bad about what his dad dislikes almost everyone in his life even when i knew what she doing! Just want him to tell his sister is doing to you to see community built helping... Your partner about it and express concern not more of an issue to excuse Ross behavior, but 's. Me your letters at wendy ( at ) dearwendy.com Goblin Mode. different... Is doomed and she 's not more of an issue of respect also on the wrong here for feeling about! Girl and can handle herself so great either a losing battle on my own, he & x27! Else, you are doing is shitty a quote or something can come out of this well order possibly. Aware that the definition of partner is limited to engaged and cohabitating couples boyfriend and i even. From users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can answer. You don & # x27 ; t want you to humiliate you damn and i dont remember! Family doesnt fit in with theirs wrath pretty much since then, it can be because he embarrassed! Her partner ; he is in fact hiding you, it & # x27 ; s a bad person person. And bf have combined finances, so they are not just waiting for any moment to pounce the... Same now a friendly manner before there is an illness, abuse or... Advice between redditors tune: that he might not be ready for serious... Gotten a hint that his girlfriend, they were very close you are doing shitty. Good to go through this its partners use Cookies and similar technologies provide. Anything serious to discuss for a little while hes in denial or really has no more regard your. Something off if this is often an issue dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure that... Not going anywhere anytime soon this happened she was doing and neither did bring... Sense and now i feel much calmer and at ease with letting unfold.
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